Ever wonder...??

Do you ever wonder why people are put in your life and what it is you are supposed to learn from them? It's something I have always given some thought to. What is it that I am supposed to learn from the people in my life, or the people who have come and gone from my life? I don't think we'll ever understand or comprehend exactly why certain people were put into our lives or the reasoning behind it. But there is a reason for everything. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever find out, if when we leave this life we'll be able to understand. However, I want answers now, I want to understand everything now. But I have to learn patience and learn from those who have come and gone and those who will be in my life forever.

I am truly lucky to have amazing people in my life, I think sometimes I have taken them for granted. The past few weeks I have come to realize how much my family truly cares for me, and no matter what they will always be there for me, no questions asked. I have no doubt that they were put in my life for a reason, and I am so grateful for them. I've never needed their love and support more than I do now, and they're willing to give it without me asking. I'm grateful for the relationships I have created with my siblings as I have grown older, and I hope to only make them better.

No more Miss Nice Girl

I have posted a few videos below, that express the way I have felt the past couple of days. Music is a major part of my life, it expresses my feelings better than I can myself, at times.

This past week has been emotionally draining for me, from being in a car accident, to having my dog posted on KSL, and losing someone who I thought and considered to be one of my best friends and the heartache that came from that. All of which has inspired the songs posted below. I realized this weekend, that although I have been trying, I need to learn to better express my feelings, instead of keeping them bottled up, no matter how afraid I may be to say what is on my mind. I need to learn how to communicate my feelings, and its not always easy for me.

I feel as though, more so lately, that I have been walked on, beaten down, blamed, and used, by many different people. I think partly it comes from being a people pleaser, always wanting to make everyone, but myself happy. My sister-in-laws have told me before that I am loyal to a fault. I have trouble saying no, and I am always afraid that I might make someone angry. While loyalty, people pleasing, and being a nice person are not bad things, it can be when it gets to the point of letting people manipulate you and walk all over you. A lot of times it can be people that are supposed to care about you, and people you are supposed to be able to trust.

So, no more Miss Nice Girl for me. Yes, I can still be a nice person. But I won't continue to let people walk all over me, and I will do my best to do what makes ME happy. Of course I will always try to serve others and make people happy, because its who I am. It is not in me to a mean, dishonest person. I care about the people in my life more than anything, even if sometimes I don't show it. I will do anything for the people I love, even those who have treated me poorly in the past. But I cannot and will not be used, and walked on anymore.

Going the Distance... RPT

The past couple of months have been a struggle for me money wise. I always have just enough money for the things that I need, but its really tight. Although, I'm not terribly bad off, my stress and anxiety begin to sky rocket because I have to make my money stretch until my next pay check. It was such a relief for me to finally, after 8 months, have a full time job and not have to work 2 jobs just to make ends meet. Now, I have more to pay for, and a second job isn't looking too bad right now. But again that means less time for a social life, and less time for myself.

For an even longer time now the feeling that I am going nowhere with my life has been eating at me. I felt unaccomplished, and I was worrying that I might be stuck at a job, with no room for moving up, for the rest of my life. I was also worried that I would never find anyone, that no one would want someone who hasn't been to school, who hasn't done anything great and spectacular. I knew that I needed to go to school and get some training. But I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and the thought of going back to school gave me anxiety as well. School has never been my cup of tea and I have always been more of a hands on learner, so I just kept putting it off. As I started to feel more and more unaccomplished, pathetic and hopeless, I knew I needed to do something and actually stick with it. I started looking into courses at the DATC, knowing that the medical field was where I wanted to be. I found a 13 week program, class one night a week, labs every other week, perfect for my work schedule. I knew it would be something that would fascinate me, and that it would be something I could enjoy. So my decision was to enroll into the Radiology Practical Technician course. Financial aid was not available for the course, which made me a little hesitant, but I decided to do it anyway. So, here I am, a month away from starting school.

This is what is helping me get through my money and emotional struggles. Knowing that I am finally doing something, and once I finish in April, I will be able to make more money once I find a job. It may be a long road, but I think it will be so worth it. Even though I have school on my credit card, a car payment, insurance, and rent I feel blessed that I am able to go back to school and work at the same time. I feel a lot better about the direction my life is headed. It took a lot for me to GO THE DISTANCE and make the sacrifices I needed to go back to school. I am excited to see where this road takes me.

And the Diagnosis is.....

Who needs doctors when you have the internet at your finger tips? I’m sure that I could Google how to perform surgery, and it would give me multiple sites that show you how to perform any given surgery. However, I would never do that because it would be stupid. But type in any little unusual aches or pains that you may have and somewhere you will find the answers, the possible causes, possible name of your pain, treatments, and so on.

I have this new, hobby that keeps me busy during my spare time at work. Whenever I don’t feel 100% or something is hurting that doesn’t normally hurt, I Google it, or use Web MD. For instance, my shoulder bothers me occasionally for days at a time and at night, but it will go away. So yesterday I decided to do some research. I was able to narrow it down because of the kind of pain and the location of the pain. I am pretty sure that if I were to go to the doctor he would tell me the exact thing that the internet did. The only difference is he would be able to prescribe me something or tell me how to fix it. If only they could prescribe things to you on the internet, but I guess that wouldn’t be a very good idea because doctors would be out of job and people would be getting high as a kite off of prescription drugs. But it is nice to have an idea of what MIGHT be going on before you go into the doctor. Better yet find out what you can do before you make that appointment to see the doctor.

That being said, here is my diagnosis…

http://orthopedics.about.com/cs/rotatorcuff/a/shbursitis.htm

Hope you enjoy! lol

The Kids

Because I am not married, nor do I have kids, I thought that I would share a very important part of my life. A part of my life that no matter what always brings joy to my heart.

There are seven little people in my life that, somehow, even on the worst days can cheer me up. Having had the chance to spend time with all of them recently, I have really come to realize how special they are to me, and what a blessing each one of my nieces and nephews are. I guess you could say they are my pride and joy, since I don't have any kids of my own. They're all such great kids and have cute, loving personalities. Nothing beats the running hugs, the kisses, the 'I love yous', and even the 'I don't wike yous' when they are upset lol. Because it just makes you laugh more than anything.

I love those kids with all that I have. Each one of them holds a special place in my heart, I don't know what I would do without them. Thank you for being a part of my life, and always putting a smile on my face. I love you!

I have been thinking a lot, lately, about the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be. In my own personal opinion I consider myself to be a pretty nice, funny, sweet, caring, loving, and all around good person. However, I realize that sometimes I'm not always that way, and there are things that I really need to work on.

So during the past week, this has been on my mind more and more. I have been trying to think of ways to better my life, and myself as a person. So of course I thought of a few things, and I as I was reading my book "A Single Voice" last night I decided that I should probably really try to work on all the things that I had come up with. For example being a little nicer to everyone and controlling the mean thoughts that go through my head about people that irritate me, just to name a few. All simple things, yes?

Today, I get to work and find that although I am trying to keep mean thoughts about irritating people out of my head, its NOT so easy and it is going to take work. Making those changes in your life, however simple they may seem, is not always easy. I am human and I make mistakes. I have a lot to work on to better myself, but I am determined. I have some small changes and some big changes to make, to reach this goal that I have set, and it will take time but I know in the long run that it will be so worth it.

Lately especially this seems to be an important thing for me to do. With so many controversial things going on in the world, it is important that we all learn to be accepting of others no matter how annoying they may be or maybe if you disagree about their views on life.

So...... Wish me luck :)

Hi

Hi! Not really sure what to write yet.... This is all very new to me, but hopefully I will have more to share later....