I have been meaning to do something special for all the wonderful support people in my life. But, I had no idea what I could possibly do to show my appreciation, and gratitude. I owe so much to each and everyone of you, I don't know how I could ever repay you.
So, this blog is dedicated to all my family and friends, who have been a huge part of my journey thus far.
Mom and Dad:
I know this hasn't been easy on you, I know it came as a huge shock, but thank you for not abandoning me in my time of need. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but you have amazed me with the way you have cared for me and loved me through it all. I wouldn't have been able to get through some of the hardest parts, without your shoulder to cry on. I love you and I am so grateful to have you in my life.
Brothers & Sisters:
There are too many of you to thank individually. But, you have all been such great supports, in so many different ways. I cannot thank you enough! Thank you for loving me and being there for me to lean on and talk to. Thank you for calling and checking in on me. You don't know how much it means to me, and it always seems to be when I need it most. I know I am not always the easiest person to love, but you love me anyway, and I am so happy to have all of you by my side. I love you so much!
Eric and Tracy:
Where to even begin?? Eric, I think there is a reason we have always been so close. I think you were meant to witness the other side of adoption through me, and you and Tracy were both placed in my life to help me through it. You both have been tremendous support, and I am so grateful that we are family. I love you both more than you know.
Shaley:
I can't imagine being able to get through this without you. We've had our ups and downs, but you have really been there for me more than I ever expected of you. I couldn't ask for a better, non-judgemental, hilarious, and loving friend than you. I want you to know, I will be there for you anytime you need me. I love you tons!
Miguel:
You were the first out of our group of friends to know. You didn't judge me, but comforted me. I've always felt like you were someone I could talk to, and go to for a listening ear. For that I am grateful. You're a great friend and I love ya.
Mickele:
You weren't here to experience everything in person, but the fact that I felt comfortable enough to write you and let you know what was going on means a lot. Your words always brought be great comfort, and I'm super stoked to have you as my roommate now. We're going to have a blast! Love you chica!
To all the Friends (Jason, Michelle, Nate, Chelley):
Thanks for letting me tag a long even at 9 months pregnant. Thanks for always being there for me. You made the last year a lot easier, and I love all of you.
Jess and Heather:
You two have truly inspired me. You have helped me through in ways that you don't even know. Thanks for being there when I need someone who will really understand how I am feeling, and gets why I am feeling the way that I am. I love you both so much and am so glad you are in my life now.
Hannah and Jess:
I think we all need each other a lot right now. I want you to know I am here for you any time you need me. Its been good for me to get to know you and become such great friends. Like I have said before, I think we will always have a lasting friendship. I love you to pieces!
The list could go on and on. So many of you have been such tremendous supports and played a huge role in my journey. There is no way at all that I would be standing where I am today, and pressing forward without all of the love and support I have received. I never expected it, but I am beyond grateful for it. Its going to be a bumpy road for a little while, and I am thankful for the patience and understanding. I am surviving and will continue to survive. I have all of you to thank for that. I cannot express the love I have for each and every one of you! Thank you!
Love,
Lindsey
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
Courage
Three months into 2013 my life had completely changed over night. It was a change that I wasn't proud of, and a change that I didn't want people to know about. Unfortunately, it wasn't something that I could hide for very long, and eventually became something that I could no longer deny was happening. I was single and pregnant, and other than close friends and family I never intended on telling anyone. I planned on hiding and avoiding people at all costs. If I saw someone I knew at the store, I would quickly duck my head, turn, and walk the other way as fast as I could. I didn't want to explain myself, and most of all I feared judgement. I'll admit it, I was ashamed of myself.
Early into my second trimester I made the decision to place my baby for adoption. It was a hard, painful decision, and probably the most selfless decision I have ever made in my life. I was putting my baby first, but I still didn't want people to know. It's something very personal, sacred, and painful. Why should I have to explain myself, and deal with people who I was sure would judge me? So, I went on pretending life was normal, like nothing HUGE was happening in my life.
In mid October, my little brother got home from his mission. I was 8 months pregnant and he was to report on his mission at my old home ward in Fruit Heights. I knew if I went, there would be people there that I absolutely didn't want to see. So, I contemplated going, but in the end decided to go and support my brother. I stayed seated for most of the time and avoided eye contact with pretty much everyone. As soon as sacrament ended, I bolted out of there. But, I knew that people had seen me. My mom got questioned and I knew I couldn't keep hiding.
A week after that, a month before my due date I did something I never thought I would do. I made myself vulnerable, and I opened up about my story and what was happening in my life. I shared it on my blog and posted it to Facebook. I was terrified of all the negative comments I was going to get, but mostly I was sure no one would read it. I was tired of being ashamed, and I realized that I had no reason to be, because I was doing something amazing that not many people can do. It was shaping my life, and turning me into a stronger, more courageous woman. What's there to be ashamed of?
I was amazed at all the love, support, and positive comments I received. No judgement at all! I was completely shocked, but so relieved. I felt such a weight lifted from my shoulders. I didn't have to keep hiding, and it felt so liberating! From that day on I decided to share my story, as hard as it might be. I still have a hard time with it, especially now that I have placed. Three months from placement and it's still so very fresh, and sharing brings up a lot of pain but, I also find it to be somewhat healing and therapeutic. So, I will continue to share in hopes that my story, and my journey can touch others and help them in their own lives. It has truly been an amazing, spiritual experience and hardship, and I wouldn't take it back.
Early into my second trimester I made the decision to place my baby for adoption. It was a hard, painful decision, and probably the most selfless decision I have ever made in my life. I was putting my baby first, but I still didn't want people to know. It's something very personal, sacred, and painful. Why should I have to explain myself, and deal with people who I was sure would judge me? So, I went on pretending life was normal, like nothing HUGE was happening in my life.
In mid October, my little brother got home from his mission. I was 8 months pregnant and he was to report on his mission at my old home ward in Fruit Heights. I knew if I went, there would be people there that I absolutely didn't want to see. So, I contemplated going, but in the end decided to go and support my brother. I stayed seated for most of the time and avoided eye contact with pretty much everyone. As soon as sacrament ended, I bolted out of there. But, I knew that people had seen me. My mom got questioned and I knew I couldn't keep hiding.
A week after that, a month before my due date I did something I never thought I would do. I made myself vulnerable, and I opened up about my story and what was happening in my life. I shared it on my blog and posted it to Facebook. I was terrified of all the negative comments I was going to get, but mostly I was sure no one would read it. I was tired of being ashamed, and I realized that I had no reason to be, because I was doing something amazing that not many people can do. It was shaping my life, and turning me into a stronger, more courageous woman. What's there to be ashamed of?
I was amazed at all the love, support, and positive comments I received. No judgement at all! I was completely shocked, but so relieved. I felt such a weight lifted from my shoulders. I didn't have to keep hiding, and it felt so liberating! From that day on I decided to share my story, as hard as it might be. I still have a hard time with it, especially now that I have placed. Three months from placement and it's still so very fresh, and sharing brings up a lot of pain but, I also find it to be somewhat healing and therapeutic. So, I will continue to share in hopes that my story, and my journey can touch others and help them in their own lives. It has truly been an amazing, spiritual experience and hardship, and I wouldn't take it back.
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