My Little Man

Who needs a man when you have this little one?? I love him to pieces. Nothing better, then the love of a little person :)

I want results, and I want them NOW!

I was not blessed with patience, it is one of my biggest faults. When I want something, I want it ASAP! I have been trying to get in shape, eat better, and lose a little weight. I'm not huge by any means but I am not the skinny minnie I was in high school (yeah I know, it was high school blah blah blah).

So here is my problem. I try really hard for a couple weeks and have one day of weakness, when running or working out just doesn't sound very fun, and I am not seeing any results so I get discouraged, and I do nothing. And then I go a few more days without doing anything, and the frustration sets in even more. Its a vicious cycle, no wonder nothing is happening. BIG SIGH!

I feel like I have plenty of things to motivate me 1. I am very self conscious about the way I look, sometimes I hate going out because I just don't feel good about myself. I love myself on the inside but not on the out. I hate going shopping because all I see everywhere I look, is skinny b@#$%es and it makes me feel worse. I envy them! No I shouldn't feel that way, no I shouldn't envy them, but I am not perfect. 2. I want the energy and to be able to do things I used to be able to do. 3. I want to be happy with the way I look so I have more confidence in myself. I hate feeling the way I do, I would think that is motivation enough, right? So why is it so hard to get myself to get off my butt everyday and do it?

Anyway, I have been reading this book called "Run Your Butt Off" and its just a guide to get started. I am on the third week running plan, and I am determined to keep it up (fingers crossed that my head doesn't get to me). I want to run a few 5k's to see if I can beat my time from last November and then hopefully move on to other bigger races. Hopefully one day a half marathon at least.

But I still want results now! (I better start seeing them soon!)

I just have to wait and be patient and put in the effort.

So if any of you have tips on how to keep my motivation going, PLEASE HELP!

"Hon Now"

"Hom buddy, hon now!"

is a phrase well known in my family. I have no idea where it originated from, but it is most commonly used by my cousin Nate Mathis. Nate has a great love for baseball (along with most of the Mathis family), a love of golf, and many other sports. He is the Assistant Athletic Director at UVU and loves his job. Nate is so full of energy, outgoing, lovable, and has a great sense of humor. I'm not sure that I know anyone who is loved as much as Nate. He has touched many lives and is an inspiration to all. Nate is always going, he never stops, and he always seems to be on some kind of adventure. Some days I wish that I could be more like him. He makes friends everywhere he goes, and I love that about him.

One week ago, March 26, Nate was in a horrible skiing accident. When I heard what had happened my heart sunk, but I knew he was a fighter and would pull through. Nate underwent major surgery on Friday, and has had some complications since.

I had the opportunity to see him today, it was hard seeing someone who is normally so full of life, just laying there, only able to respond with a squeeze of the hand. As I walked into his room, and saw him I immediately looked to my cousin Eric for comfort. Seeing him brought tears to my eyes, it's not easy seeing someone you love and care for, in such a fragile state. Especially someone like Nate.

You may be wondering why I have a picture of Great Value Wheat Thins on here. Only family may really know the meaning behind it. It is an inside joke between the two of us. I would tell the story, but I'm pretty sure its one of those things you had to be there for. Now every time I see, or talk to him, Generic Wheat thins get brought up in one way or another. I took this picture before his accident with the intention of sending it to him, but never got the chance. So, I am doing it now.

This is for Nate.

This is my way of showing my love for him and letting him know he is in my prayers.

So, Hon now Nate, get through this buddy. You have a lot of people pulling for you.

I love you!

Ever wonder...??

Do you ever wonder why people are put in your life and what it is you are supposed to learn from them? It's something I have always given some thought to. What is it that I am supposed to learn from the people in my life, or the people who have come and gone from my life? I don't think we'll ever understand or comprehend exactly why certain people were put into our lives or the reasoning behind it. But there is a reason for everything. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever find out, if when we leave this life we'll be able to understand. However, I want answers now, I want to understand everything now. But I have to learn patience and learn from those who have come and gone and those who will be in my life forever.

I am truly lucky to have amazing people in my life, I think sometimes I have taken them for granted. The past few weeks I have come to realize how much my family truly cares for me, and no matter what they will always be there for me, no questions asked. I have no doubt that they were put in my life for a reason, and I am so grateful for them. I've never needed their love and support more than I do now, and they're willing to give it without me asking. I'm grateful for the relationships I have created with my siblings as I have grown older, and I hope to only make them better.

No more Miss Nice Girl

I have posted a few videos below, that express the way I have felt the past couple of days. Music is a major part of my life, it expresses my feelings better than I can myself, at times.

This past week has been emotionally draining for me, from being in a car accident, to having my dog posted on KSL, and losing someone who I thought and considered to be one of my best friends and the heartache that came from that. All of which has inspired the songs posted below. I realized this weekend, that although I have been trying, I need to learn to better express my feelings, instead of keeping them bottled up, no matter how afraid I may be to say what is on my mind. I need to learn how to communicate my feelings, and its not always easy for me.

I feel as though, more so lately, that I have been walked on, beaten down, blamed, and used, by many different people. I think partly it comes from being a people pleaser, always wanting to make everyone, but myself happy. My sister-in-laws have told me before that I am loyal to a fault. I have trouble saying no, and I am always afraid that I might make someone angry. While loyalty, people pleasing, and being a nice person are not bad things, it can be when it gets to the point of letting people manipulate you and walk all over you. A lot of times it can be people that are supposed to care about you, and people you are supposed to be able to trust.

So, no more Miss Nice Girl for me. Yes, I can still be a nice person. But I won't continue to let people walk all over me, and I will do my best to do what makes ME happy. Of course I will always try to serve others and make people happy, because its who I am. It is not in me to a mean, dishonest person. I care about the people in my life more than anything, even if sometimes I don't show it. I will do anything for the people I love, even those who have treated me poorly in the past. But I cannot and will not be used, and walked on anymore.