No more Miss Nice Girl

I have posted a few videos below, that express the way I have felt the past couple of days. Music is a major part of my life, it expresses my feelings better than I can myself, at times.

This past week has been emotionally draining for me, from being in a car accident, to having my dog posted on KSL, and losing someone who I thought and considered to be one of my best friends and the heartache that came from that. All of which has inspired the songs posted below. I realized this weekend, that although I have been trying, I need to learn to better express my feelings, instead of keeping them bottled up, no matter how afraid I may be to say what is on my mind. I need to learn how to communicate my feelings, and its not always easy for me.

I feel as though, more so lately, that I have been walked on, beaten down, blamed, and used, by many different people. I think partly it comes from being a people pleaser, always wanting to make everyone, but myself happy. My sister-in-laws have told me before that I am loyal to a fault. I have trouble saying no, and I am always afraid that I might make someone angry. While loyalty, people pleasing, and being a nice person are not bad things, it can be when it gets to the point of letting people manipulate you and walk all over you. A lot of times it can be people that are supposed to care about you, and people you are supposed to be able to trust.

So, no more Miss Nice Girl for me. Yes, I can still be a nice person. But I won't continue to let people walk all over me, and I will do my best to do what makes ME happy. Of course I will always try to serve others and make people happy, because its who I am. It is not in me to a mean, dishonest person. I care about the people in my life more than anything, even if sometimes I don't show it. I will do anything for the people I love, even those who have treated me poorly in the past. But I cannot and will not be used, and walked on anymore.